Summertime

Idyll

It’s been a lovely summer here in Bozeman. Cool and rainy days at least a few times a week. There’s no smoke from fires-the sky is clear and bright.

We’ve been back at work which is deeply satisfying. I really missed our office. We redecorated it and redesigned it and the space feels great. When we left last year we threw away almost 20 years of stuff. It filled a couple of dumpsters over our last weeks. When we reentered Bozeman, we found some old pictures curated by my husband’s grandparents in our basement and put those to use in the office space which feels bright and colorful. To see our patients again is a huge gift.

When I think of all of the changes on so many levels that have manifested over the past year it’s a bit shocking. I am different than the person who got on a plane a year ago. It will take time to process everything!

I’ve had the interesting experience of having a bit of an injury. It’s a hip tendinitis thing on the right side. I run almost every day and the pain it caused was something I couldn’t work/train through.

I finally realized I’m married to a healer and let him help but I also realized I needed to rest. I could still hike and take long walks so I did that for a while but it just wasn’t the same. I got a bit depressed and frustrated about it. It’s funny I’ve seen this million times with patients and tell them be patient but when it happened to me I was in denial. Good lesson in humility and compassion!

So I made up a new routine. I used to be an aerobics teacher so I used some of the low impact moves along with weights-just 5 pounds each hand that I started working with. Listening to music and connecting with my body. I did aikido sword cuts. I tried dancing as well. Then spending a few minutes stretching and winding down.

Within a week I felt a good change! Old muscles started to wake again and with all the lunges and squats I felt stronger than ever. I’m now rethinking everything.

The injury forced me to realize I’m moving into another phase of life and perhaps my old way didn’t work and the injury is the best thing that could have happened. I changed how I approached my physical exercise routine which is an important part of my life. I need more weight training at my age. A bit of cardio is always good but I need to retain muscle mass and just running isn’t the best for that. I still love running. But I can adjust.

I also think a piece of the injury was moving on with the grief from my mom’s leaving the earth. Hips represent moving forward. During an acupuncture session I asked my body about it. She told me that I didn’t want to move forward! She didn’t want to be in a life without her mother sharing it. Beyond intellectualization our bodies hold things. I cried and felt that. Just feeling things is something I’m working on as I have a tendency to like to move on and function. Or make up an idea about what a I should be (or shouldn’t). Just allowing myself to be in the space of a deep grief “the beautiful sadness” connects me more to the rhythm of life which is gently shifting as the seasons do. And it doesn’t make sense.

Change can come from inside or outside but one thing is for sure- it’s always possible! This past year has certainly taught me that. It’s a bit scary sometimes. It’s time to create a new identity as a post menopausal woman - and apparently rethink my exercise regime as well.

The days are shorter now and I feel autumn in the air. Each season requires adjustments and shifts to live in harmony with this ever changing life.