Birthday!
I just turned 58! Seems crazy. It was the first birthday without my mom but a few days before I saw a lone crane flying in the dusk as I meditated and I think that was her saying hello, as ancestors do. I feel my grandmother’s spirit in butterflies and as I get closer to them I can feel them almost as if they’re in the room with me; through a thought, smell or smile.
My eldest son came up from LA just for my birthday. His idea was to take me to yoga and lunch. We had a great class together, there was lots of meditation. I felt that I needed more yoga in my life! We laughed together the way we usually do and my other son came over and we talked for a bit. He brought me beautiful flowers. I say it every year but it was the best birthday and there’s no one else I’d rather share it with!
Spring is finally springing here and I’m getting closer to the last message I received from my mama after our daughter graduated college. She was so happy and sweet in her last message. Shortly thereafter she lost the ability to talk, something which frustrated her immensely according to my sister.
We always talked together, something we did less of towards the end but when I did talk with her, her beautiful womanly warmth and love surrounded me in the way only wise deep women have. I’m lucky because my sisters have it and I have some friends with it too. It’s indefinabl
e but you know when you are in the presence of it. Maybe someday I’ll get it.
We are getting ready to move into a new phase, and as I’ve said part of that is letting go. Some of the things and people I’ve let go have been surprising, even heart rending. But another gift of age is how detached I can be now. If something isn’t for me I feel it I know it and I let it go and be. When I was young I’d try so hard to make things be a certain way, but now I accept.
Not everything turns out the way you wanted, but some things turn out better.
